Bisexual Blogs > Why we complain about each other: Non-normative neurology
Why we complain about each other: Non-normative neurology Sort by:
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Posted on Jun 02, 2017 at 09:42 AM

Dear brothers and sisters and queers,

It is fair to observe that those that are self-declared as LGBTQ+ have not chosen to be so.  Your sexuality and gender are not a choice, and my sexuality and gender are not a choice.  However, LGBTQ+ inate sexuality and inate gender are not normative; in other words we are not typical among most humans.  Nothing wrong with us, nothing to be fixed (see Transgender vs. Transexual: What is the difference?), nothing to be ashamed or hidden.  We are born this way with a fundamentally neurological condition.  As a post-operative transsexual woman, I am among the rarest of the rare, and even among my trans brothers and sisters, and I believe that I have an equally rare perspective.  Observing the trans community, as well as the larger LGBTQ+ community, I have noticed something tragic.  We are all neurologically non-normative and celebrate the fact, and yet we have all been encultured to expect normative behavior from each other.  So very often I witness my LGBTQ+ siblings complain about their LGBTQ+ friends and partners behaving without fidelity, loyalty, honesty, and sacrifice and which are all normative behaviors demanded of the non-normative by the non-normative. 

Many LGBTQ siblings hope for a better life once they emerge or "come out" (of the closet...), and to be clear such a public declaration does dramatically improve the quality of life; however, the new life has new issues.  Feelings of isolation persist and in a new way.  The newly-Out makes their way to a LGBTQ bar, or club, or social group that has the promise of an inclusive experience.  With anticipation it is discovered that most attendees are shy, or fearful, or elusive, and other non-normative behaviors and thus the new non-normative isolation is felt.  I have witnessed the same complaints in the trans community, the lesbian community, and now the bisexual community.  Our non-normative neurology has the apparent effect of placing barriers between ourselves in locales and circumstances most expected to be normative and with sad irony.

Our lot is cast, but there is a way to rearrange the outcome.  In my experience the only force to reach others and achieve community among the non-normative is compassion.  Compassion is required for self, and then for every other no matter how odd, offensive, rude, or non-normative they may be so as to form a connected community.  To my sisters and brothers and queers, hug yourself and go to the club and hug gently everyone you meet and accept with compassion all the myriad of reactions you may encounter.  Eschew non-normative expectations and replace with the amazing rainbow of behaviors only we can create.

Baci e Abbracci,

***Remember Pulse, Orlando FL USA - June 12th, 2016 ***

These statements and comments are my opinion. I am not a licensed psychologist. Seek professional care if you are a danger to yourself.
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