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Posted on May 26, 2018 at 04:43 AM

They say that if you are in a relationship with a lesbian that she comes with a U-Haul of baggage. If you are in a relationship with a married bisexual woman, she comes with a minivan filled with her husband, kids, the soccer team and her 9-to-5 job. If she’s older, and, the kids are grown, and, she has a decent relationship with her husband, she may still put him and her career before you.


You are not her first priority. Why would you be? She can’t even put herself first. It’s not that you are an afterthought, because you are as important to her as breathing air; you keep her tethered to that small space that she keeps hidden from everyone, the “who” she really is.


Be her friend. Give her space to breathe.


Kate Millett, a feminist and a self-described bi-sexual in a time when women were either lesbians or straight, in her book "Sexual Politics" © 1970, chronicled the millennia of women’s legal, political and cultural exclusion and diminishment and, saw traditional marriage an artifact of patriarchy…


While we rarely use the term “patriarchy” any more, here we are almost 50 years later and things have not really changed. Women are expected to “stay in the box”; that house in the suburbs, the mini-van, the office cubicle; are all boxes. The box is the “morality” of current society that implies that good women put their husbands and children first. To “cheat” on their husbands with a woman is as bad as having a relationship with a man. There is only one choice: him or her, not both. The edict is that today’s married bi-sexual women have two choices: be married and miserable or get divorced, and be impoverished.


What do you think? Drop me a line and let me know!







“In sex one wants or does not want. And the grief, the sorrow of life is that one cannot make or coerce or persuade the wanting, cannot command it, cannot request it by mail order or finagle it through bureaucratic channels.” -- Kate Millett
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Posted on Jun 28, 2018 at 06:52 AM

Dear Sunny_Day:


My wife was not bi but was poly.  I allowed and encouraged that.  Her first husband both abused her physically and emotionally.  She was 31 and did not know how to drive.  I bought her a car and told her to learn to drive or I was taking it back.  Two weeks later she had a license. 


We  had moved 300 miles and a old lover called and wanted her to come see him.  She asked me if she could.  I asked only would she come back to me.  She said yes so I told her to go have fun.  20 years later she told me how important that was that I trusted her and let her go see him.  She also told me that the three days was not that enjoyable, LOL. 


Beyond that, I am very open to bi contact and have been for many years.  I think given the right circumstances every man is open to bi contact and activities.  Is is societal norms that drive the phobias.


You need to be open with your husband about your needs.  There is nothing wrong with them.  You may well need a counselor to help him understand it.  Is so find one who understands and works in the alternative lifestyle area.  Many counselors don't and perpetuate societal norms because they are ignorant or simply close minded.  The world is changing but slowly.


Good luck.

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Posted on Jun 05, 2018 at 08:47 PM

I am openly bisexual. I have been "out" for a long time. My husband is also bi, but because of the negative reaction he has has received from previous relationships, it has taken almost 3 yrs to get him to be honest with me about his needs.  To this day he still isn't comfortable with letting me share in his experiences. So I just try to be as supportive and excepting as possible. He loves and excepts me unconditionally and I do the same for him.  My hope is that one day he will be as excepting of himself 

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Posted on May 30, 2018 at 04:11 PM

On one hand, taking gender out of the equation, as a Bi Husband, it's as ugly and restricting for the bi men in our society too. We are not supposed to like men, and if we do we must be gay. SSN (a questionable 'support' network for straight spouses) pushes the old standard of bi now, gay later. My wife was told lots of lies: I'm already cheating on her; I'm going to leave her for a man... the list goes on. 


many years later, we are still together. I am still looking for an acceptable way to explore my sexuality without making someone feel like a second class citizen, and yet *most* of the guys I find are on the down low, married, and keeping it a secret from their spouses... for all the reasons listed - closed minded, conservative, "there can be only one" thinking. 


I have found my best set of new friends in the poly lifestyle. Not because I am actively looking for a full relationship, but because those people *do not judge*! I get to share my story, my interests, and they accept it all. So far I have not found any other bi husbands out there, looking for an open relationship and being honest with spouses/partners... but it gives me more hope than these online sites. 


As a bi woman, you would do well in many of the groups I have shared a meal or discussion with. If your husband were to join in a social setting, he would be welcome as well. I urge you to find a good group of open minded people. The type that think a minivan with another partner already sitting in it is OK... the only question is, who gets to sit up front? 


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