When I first 'came out' at 26 I found lots of other bi and bi curious girls. In fact, I spent 6 (mostly good) years with my girlfriend back then and I enjoyed being in a semi-monogamous relationship (since I was married too).
As I've gotten older though, it seems like married bi women like myself (41 yrs old BTW) are either back in the closet, the 'phase' is over or they've met their female 'match' and aren't dating (or they're completely off their rockers LOL).
So are there any SANE 40+ bi women still in the world? If so, what's your dating experience been like?
I'll be 40 next month and I've never had the experience of being with another woman but I'd love to! Still looking just hard at times because you never know when someone's being honest or not. I'm not into bed hopping either and prefer someone i can connect with and be friends 1st!
Well, real bi gals do exist Therese. But it's true that they are hard to find. Since my original post in May I have found someone who, for the moment appears completely sane and who's company I enjoy. LOL
Gaybars can be fun, ONCE you've found a gal to take there. I think picking anyone up at a bar (gay, bi or straight) is just asking for drama. LOL I think it helps when you know exactly what you want and you're willing to stick to it. Lord knows I would have had a lot more players and bed hoppers if I didn't set a certain criteria.
I do hope you find what you're looking for and if you need someone to chat with I'm always open to having a bi friend (since that's so hard to find in my daily life). Just drop me a line. :)
will be 40 this yr & have tried the swinging thing but it wasnt what it was cracked up tobe. Have brought another woman into our bed & it wasnt wht I wanted either. Am very curious & have been for last few yrs. Tried the gaybar & its just a bunch of youngsters & drama. I'm looking for someone to be with as friend & to help me sort things out, show me the ropes so to say I guess. i just want to know for sure not play or bed hop just to have the experience & know for sure. need questions & desires answered & fulfilled. hubby is ok w/ it, he had his fun, its my turn.
It's great having a fella that 'gets you' isn't it? : )
I also find a similar problem, like you. I'm not looking to 'play' with a woman. I want a genuine relationship built on trust, respect and admiration. You know... a friendship. LOL
I might meet a woman who I'm comfortable with and whose company I enjoy then either he wants to join in or he gets jealous and sabotages the relationship -- either way, it never lasts. Like you, I'm not in it for a 'quickie' and I'm not into bed hopping. So I'm often left wondering why do I bother to get invested in a female relationship because she's just going to leave (or be emotionally distant and never 'commit').
I'm not looking for a wife though (having a hubby is hard to juggle alone some days LOL). I want a girlfriend for me and me alone that I can share fun times with; someone I love and who loves me. Each time I seem to find her, something goes wrong (or I was mistaken to begin with and didn't know it).
For example, the last woman I was with had/has a medical condition. She wasn't feeling well one night when I texted her so I told her I loved her and that we'd talk later when she felt better. Well, (according to her) her husband saw the 'love you' comment and then I got two texts in a row the next day (since my service sucks) that said, "What does that mean?!" as if saying I love you was a horrible thing.
I told her the truth - I didn't want a wife. She was a friend who seemed down and wasn't feeling well. The way I see it, having someone say I love you shouldn't be a cause of concern, ya know? It should make you feel better; not worse. After that comment though, I never saw her again. Sure, she'd text me (although she'd never talk on the phone, which was weird), but as for seeing her, that didn't happen -- either she didn't feel well, her hubby didn't feel well, her granddaughter she's raising had some issue... you name it and she had an excuse.
But then there was a final straw for me: she and I made plans to meet at a local bar (finally after 6 months of not seeing each other) and she didn't show. A week went by and I heard nothing so I called it quits via email because I knew if I called, she wouldn't pick up. About two months later (the end of May actually) she texted me again saying she regretted how she treated me and she didn't think the plans that night were 'officially set' although they were. She added by the time she got my text and phone message asking where she was, it was too late to show up. Of course, a week went by and she never bothered to contact me and she had no excuse for that. LOL
Sad thing is I offered to give her another chance to sit down and talk about everything going on, but nothing changed. And again, I got another excuse of her 'hurting her leg' and when I called to find out what happened I went straight to voicemail, with no return call. It's been over a week since then so it seems I've been wronged... again. Hell, even the family and friends around me that said to give her another chance are now saying she's just toying with me. And, like a fool, I fall for it because I try to see the good in people (perhaps people that I shouldn't obviously). LOL
I had a lesbian friend who never judged me and who I would talk to about this kind of stuff but she died this year so posting here is a bit like therapy for me. LOL So long story short (too late I know) it seems that quickies are fine, but loving someone is wrong. And I'm not that kind of girl. But I'm glad you posted here SCGG, thank you. Now I don't feel so alone. You've managed to make me smile and think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, there's a gal near me, that feels like we do. I just haven't met her yet. ; )
Hi! Having searched on and off for a couple of years, I've been equally frustrated. It seems that the type of women I've found are 1) women looking for a playmate to take home to their husband, 2) swingers or otherwise promiscuous types (which I'm not interested in due to a higher likelihood of STDs) or 3) women whom I have nothing in common with - who are therefore not the long-term soul-mate of a girlfriend I'm looking for.
I did find one woman in her 40s who I was quite fond of recently, and the feeling was mutual - but her husband wouldn't grant his permission for an open relationship with another woman (she was only allowed to "play" with a woman in the context of a threesome, with his involvement). And I'm thinking that could be where the problem lies: that there are, in fact, plenty of bi women our age out there - but they're married to men who are not open to them having a solo relationship with another woman.
I'm extraordinarily lucky to have a husband who understands my bisexuality, and my need for a woman to bring me full circle and complete me. But finding a woman who is equally available has been turmoil! :-(