In fact, I don’t know if I am a bisexual or not, because I think that bisexuality cannot describe my sexual orientation clearly. And there may be more people like me who are simply labeled as bisexuality by others. Or maybe it is because that I don’t figure out how the society defines this sexual orientation. To me, I think the society just label people who have relationships with men and women, which is not right and fair for us. But what I can make sure is that I am either straight or homosexual.
Why I have doubt about the label of bisexuality since I am sexually and emotionally attractive to both men and women? Because I am not equally interested in men and women. For most of the time, I find that I am more attractive to women in my age and consider myself as a lesbian at those time. But I am also attracted by guys when I meet guys who meet my criteria. And what is strange is that the relationships with guys usually last longer than with women. Maybe it is because I am feminine and soft, making me fit the standards of girlfriend for most men. But that won’t bother me to be who I am.
I believe almost all bisexual women will feel difficulty blending in straight or lesbian circles. I always feel that way anyway. When I come close to straight female friends who are not familiar with me, they always think that I am attracted to them and want to hook up with them, which is not true. And lesbian women will despise me for I am also sexually attracted by men. They will never build a relationship with me because they think I am not loyal and will leave them for a man one day, which is also not true. However, once I have a monogamous relationship with others, my sexual identity will not be recognized, making the whole dating experience meaningless.
And bisexual men and women are often judged as cheaters for most of the time. Public opinions for bisexuals are that the truth that bisexuals claim to be attracted by both men and women is just for fulfilling their desire for having a sexual relationship with others, not for building serious relationship. For this judgment, I feel ashamed that I sometimes will have several relationships at a time. But who can say it is wrong to like multiple things and multiple people at a time. Since it is not wrong, why we will be blamed for being honest with our feelings and dating more than one at a time.